


The Woman Behind The Crown

by Jamie_Cumming



Category: Reign (TV)
Genre: F/F, Fanfiction, LGBTQ Female Character, Love, References to Reign (TV)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-16 14:07:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28832409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jamie_Cumming/pseuds/Jamie_Cumming
Summary: A story about a relationship between Catherine de Medici and her Lady, Charity. The idea came from a memory flash of a dream, inspired by Reign. Lady Charity is completely fictional, all other characters are loosely based on their Reign counterparts.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 6





	1. Prologue

The last few nights were bad. I slipped in and out of consciousness, often experiencing hallucinations. I was rarely sure of what was real and, with my weakened and rapidly deteriorating state, I was never to be left alone. Death was near, I felt it.  
Even the moments with Catherine by my side, it was difficult to distinguish between hallucination and reality. Such was the state of confusion I was in. Not only because of the regularity of her visits, but because what happened went beyond boundaries even we’d tested before.  
Her last visit, she came in and dismissed the servants. The moment we were alone her armour dropped as she focused on her mission. Even in my weakened state, it was impossible not to take notice. She was determined, impatient and, most of all, desperate. It was a state I’d witnessed her in often, but she becomes a force to be reckoned with. When you had the strength, which I no longer possessed.  
Normally she was so careful with me, so gentle. This time she sat by me, taking my hand and shook me slightly, rousing me. She needed me awake.  
‘Charity, sit up. You need to drink this.’ She was quiet at first, her tone still gentle.  
My lips were parched and I craved water, but I could smell the liquid and it wasn’t natural.  
‘It will help,’ she assured me. ‘But you need to drink it all. Now. Sit up.’  
Her tone now more insistent. Realisation hit me.  
‘It’s a potion.’ I said. I wasn’t familiar with this one and I knew the contents of her apothecary fairly well. Could it be…. Was dark magic involved? I’d learned it was usually best never to ask questions, but…  
I was hesitant. We’d spoken about it before, not just because it was heresy, but with an extremely dangerous measure. Catherine had determined the use of those potions shows the mark of true desperation and I didn’t want her marked in the eyes of Gods and be damned for eternity. What she did in her role as Queen was one thing, but to risk this for me, even with what we were to each other, was another matter.

Not that what we were had ever been acknowledged. Not really. Nothing had ever been spoken.  
So yes, I was hesitant.  
But during my illness she had risked so much. With each visit she looked more broken and desolate when she laid eyes on me. I hated her having to see me this way, I was so weak and felt myself losing any sense of hope.  
‘Drink. It will save you.’  
‘At what cost?’  
‘That doesn’t matter, Charity!’ she spoke with desperation now.  
‘I can’t risk losing you.’  
‘Catherine, it’s hopeless. I’m dying.’  
‘You have to try.’ She urged me. ‘Please, for me.’  
Her eyes shimmered with the threat of tears as she pleaded with me. Suddenly I was overcome with my love for her. Even facing my last hours of life, what broke me was to see her in such pain. I couldn’t not try. I had to, for me.  
She stayed there, clasping my hand in hers, watching me slip into sedation. She prayed this would work.  
I nodded and she slipped her hand behind my neck, helping me raise my head until my lips reached the cup. I drank every last last sip of the liquid, then lay back, gasping as she wiped my mouth with a rag.  
‘Catherine, what was that?’  
‘Don’t worry about that.’ she hushed me, taking my hand.  
‘Some risks you have to be prepared to take. I know those I’m prepared for.’  
I tried to say something, felt a need to, but the poison included a strong sleeping draught and it took me quickly.

To be continued...


	2. ‘Some issues are easier to live with’

During my time at court, I wouldn’t like to say I was popular, but I was certainly well-liked by nobles and servants alike. It helped that I knew how to blend-in amongst both, so some credit went to never acting above my perceived station, while not forgetting the importance of those below me. I’d spent a fair share of my life living as both, an unfortunate side effect of those I shared my company with not always being accepting of my sexual preferences. But I was always honest and, as a result, by the time of my arrival at court it was common knowledge that I enjoyed the company of both men and women (truth be told, my preference was for women, but in order to survive in this world you need to secure yourself a good marriage, so I thought best to keep my options open).   
I was courted upon my arrival and, on the one hand, I was never short on suitors, but as word of my predilections spread, it appeared to encourage the wrong sorts of attention: offers of courtship from men who considered me either a challenge or an opportunity for experimentation, rather than genuine marriage prospects. None of them longed for true commitment and therefore never held any appeal for me. Needless to say, I was rarely able (or willing) to feign much of an interest in these unreliable offers and thus my mind (and eyes) would often wander. I continued to be courted by some considerably more appropriate men, but nothing ever lasted long. It was unfortunate, but it meant I was also able to enjoy the company of the women from time to time.  
Meanwhile, I struck-up an unexpected friendship with Catherine, which led to her extending the offer of a position as her Lady-in-waiting. I eagerly accepted, but I never imagined we’d become as close as we did. I found her so compelling, it was difficult not to become so entirely fascinated by her. The way her mind worked (both brilliant and devious in equal measure) and her passion for… well, most things in her life really. I couldn’t help but be drawn to her and the more time we spent together, the deeper I saw behind her mask and into the kindness of her soul. When we weren’t busy embroiled in one of her latest plots, we continued to develop our bond as friends. Some would scoff, but it was a true and pure friendship, one based on a mutual trust and respect. From that grew a genuine affection. I just never imagined the eventual outcome.  
As Catherine once told me, a secret can only ever stay a secret when one person knows about it. Especially at court. To that end, however reserved I tried to be, it didn’t take long for the whispers to begin. I’d never focused on being subtle with my affections (although I was usually aware when I needed to be), but my feelings for Catherine blossomed over so natural a time, I hadn’t actually realised I was falling for her until I was in far too deep to backtrack. I never strayed from the side of caution, nor would I ever do anything inappropriate, but when we were together and she went from being the Queen to just Catherine… it was almost easy to convince myself my feelings were not entirely unrequited. That there was a chance they could be returned. I would tell myself it was in my head, but many times there were moments when it seemed possible enough for me to question it.  
Indeed there was one occasion where I nearly braved crossing the line (with words, not actions. Treason was not high on my desired list of achievements), as the whispers about my affections had now become common knowledge anyway.  
Lord Robert Valentine was courting me and things had progressed positively so far. There was no love between us, but we were fond of each other and got on well enough. I could imagine a happy life together with him, one where hopefully that affection would grow to love. I hadn't yet broached the subject of my reputation with him. Neither had he, though I suspect that, while he knew, he wasn’t exactly keen to directly address it. Some issues are easier to live with if you pretend they don’t exist and no one would have expected it to threaten to come between us. Not that it meant it wasn’t very much a concern on his mind.  
Sadly, that all came to a head at the very party during which he was to officially request approval for a proposal. I thought I had done my part well that night, playing the dutiful arm ornament for him, but evidently I had a lapse in the art of subtlety. As it was, one of my servant friends opened my eyes to it.  
I’d danced, conversed and laughed, nervously waiting for a moment to make the request… until quite out of nowhere he took me aside for a word: regret, because evidently he had to acknowledge he couldn’t commit himself to a life with someone who so obviously would never give him her heart. I was stunned and dismayed, of course, but more so I was panicked as to how I would explain why this had gone so wrong.  
I excused myself, running into the servant in the corridor. Slightly frantic, I spilled the contents of the conversation to her.  
‘Devoted, he said! He couldn’t be with someone he could see was devoted to another, someone he was certain would never truly be his.’  
I was wringing my hands with nervous energy.  
‘No, I’d say not.’ She replied ‘Not when he’s not the one you couldn’t keep your eyes off all night.’  
‘I beg your pardon?’   
She raised her eyes and lowered her voice.  
‘You normally don’t make it so obvious. But tonight…’  
Tonight. It dawned on me she was right.  
I’d been mesmerised by Catherine that night. She’d looked so elegant in her red gown, a personal favourite of mine that made her eyes sparkle, took my breath away and aroused the flutter of butterflies deep within me. More than a beauty, in my eyes she was the most exquisite, stunning creative I’d ever had the good fortune to be in the presence of.  
The realisation hit me with such a force. If I hadn’t been aware of my predilections for women already, there could no longer be any doubt of them. Honestly, thinking back, I could hardly be surprised when Robert made his decision. While I had spent the evening watching her, he was watching me. Well within his rights to reject me.  
I didn’t dare return to the party, such was the confusion I was feeling. Had I really been so foolish as to fall for the Queen? The worst part was the uneasy feeling of not knowing who else had picked-up on this.  
It didn’t take long for my absence to be noted and Catherine came to find me. She expected to have to comfort me, which normally would have been most welcome. But I was on edge, trying to convince myself my heart was simply confused, ignoring the way it seemed to beat faster now in her presence. I felt as though everyone could see what it was holding onto so clearly now. Of course Robert knew. He had tried his best to be discreet, but whispers circulate easily in French court, it was beyond our control.  
Even as Catherine held my hand, I couldn’t bring myself to look at her, wondering if they’d reached her. She held me for a moment, determined to console me.  
‘It will be okay.’ She whispered. I pulled away, trembling.  
‘How?’ I asked. ‘How can it be?’  
She stroked my cheek, but said nothing.

To be continued...


	3. ‘A false sense of security’

I felt terrible about that whole night. Not because of the whispers as such (I’d been subject to those for so long, they were hardly of any real consequence to me), but for my concern had they reached Catherine’s ears. Or, more worryingly, Henry’s. It wouldn’t look good for me if he learnt I had fallen for the Queen.  
Afraid to acknowledge the night's events with her, I tried to avoid the subject completely. But we both knew she had to address it at some point.  
‘Henry, like all Kings, never ceased taking women to his bed throughout our marriage.’ She reminded me. ‘Not that a Queen is ever given the same freedom, but he knows better than to question my loyalty.’  
I remained silent, afraid to say anything at this point. I was worried if I allowed myself to speak, I would say far too much.  
‘He could never hope to be one of the few people in this world who knows me completely. Unguarded. He hasn’t, not for quite some time now.’ She took my hand.  
‘Those people are rare and precious to me. I won’t let anything come in the way of that. We don’t have to discuss the reasons Lord Valentine rescinded his offer for marriage. Whispers…. they vanish, like the night air.’  
That was her way of saying I was safe. She would keep me safe.  
If Catherine had ever suspected my feelings before, she hadn’t let on. But I had to be careful. The rumours were potentially dangerous and would call into question my position as her Lady, which could in turn cast suspicion on her. I wasn’t about to risk that, so I tasked myself with simply focusing on my duties. I’d never had any problems in that area before, I wasn’t about to let us down now.  
Although this was not always as easy as one might expect.

Our best option was to continue as normal.  
In need of some fresh air and a change for a more relaxed setting to clear our heads, we decided to take the horses for a ride. The break was both pleasant and necessary.  
We followed a path that led down through a small stream. As we crossed, something must have spooked Catherine’s horse and it went wild. With her being a less experienced rider, I intervened, trying to calm him, but inevitably she was thrown off into the stream and he bolted. Fortunately, the water reduced her risk of any serious injuries, but the water was absolutely freezing!  
Spurred by my fierce determination to protect her, I was able to pull her from the water and onto my own horse. Never had I been more grateful for my skills at riding. Wrapping my cloak and arms around her, I gripped the reins and rode us back to the castle with as much speed as was safe.  
We arrived back at the castle where she was quickly taken from my arms as we rushed to her chambers. I instructed the servants to fetch blankets and prepare her a hot bath. I was helping her to remove the wet clothing which clung to her body, including my cloak which was soaked through. Wrapping the blankets around her, I moved us close to the fire, cuddling her with its warmth. Desperate to ease her chills.  
‘So. Cold.’ She shivered.  
‘You’ll be alright, Catherine.’ I rubbed her body with my arms. ‘I promise you.’  
We sat there awhile, her body slowly relaxed into mine. It could have been such an intimate moment, if only I wasn’t so concerned about the possibility of hypothermia setting-in. I was relieved to see the colour returning to her cheeks.  
‘You’re looking better.’ I noted. ‘That’s good. The servants should return any moment with the bath. It’ll be much easier to assist you into it if you can actually move.’  
Once she was safely in the bath, I dismissed the servants. I refused to leave without being certain she’d returned to full health, I would attend to anything she needed.  
‘I appreciate your help, Charity, but you don’t have to stay.’  
‘I know. Except I do. I can’t leave until I’m sure you’re recovered.’  
Catherine smiled.  
‘And we were having such a pleasant time. I’m sorry it was cut short like that.’  
‘Don’t be, it was hardly your fault. Besides, you suffered enough.’  
‘You did too. Your efforts to get me back here…. you might have saved my life, you know.’  
‘I would do whatever was necessary to save your life.’  
There was absolute truth in that. She could have died before we’d even reached the castle, a thought I hadn’t allowed myself to settle in my mind. Now that it did, it chilled me.  
If she was surprised by my words at all, she didn’t show it. She took my hand, clasping it firmly in hers. Without thinking, I leant down and kissed it.  
She looked at our hands briefly, then spoke.  
‘And I would save yours.’ and kissed mine.  
We looked at each other, something deep passed between us. Neither one of us dared to express it, but it was there. Something was happening.

Meanwhile, for the most part, we all seemed to be moving-on with our lives, while remaining civil to one another. This was at the King’s insistence, though I suspect his interest was little to do with the details of that debacle. More likely it had tested the limits of his patience for the “childish drama” it had caused at his court.  
Not that it took Lord Valentine much time to find a new potential bride, mind. One who, while not a Queen’s Lady, came with equally substantial wealth. They seemed a better fit and happier certainly than I likely could have made him. I wished them well but kept my distance. While there was no animosity between us, we remained not quite on friendly terms either.  
After all, this was French court and, as such, you could seldom fully trust anyone. So we should have known better than to be lulled into a false sense of security.

_To be continued..._


	4. 'Wanting this not to be true'

The Harvest was a beautiful time of year for festivals and we were more determined than ever to enjoy them. Picnic areas were set-up, baskets to be prepared for us daily.  
I was particularly looking forward to a plate of sweets I’d spotted with the baskets Catherine had ordered for us. I gathered they were uncommon to the region, but I had tasted them years before and eagerly anticipated the sweetness from taking my first bite.  
‘I take it you’re enjoying those?’  
‘You should try one. They’re absolutely delightful.’  
‘Go on, then.’  
I passed her the plate. She took one but almost instantly made a face and drew back. I was concerned.  
‘What’s wrong?’ I asked, taking the plate to sniff.  
‘There are almonds in this.’ She held it up.  
‘Yes, the coating is made from ground almonds.’ I took the piece she offered me.  
‘I can’t eat them. Something about their mere scent turns my stomach.’ She wiped her hands. ‘Not to worry.’  
‘You’ve tried them before?’  
‘I’ve never cared to.’  
‘I admit, I’m surprised. How was I not aware of this?’ I asked as we settled in our seats. She lowered her voice.  
‘Well they are quite rare and the chef is instructed not to use them. I’ll have to speak with him about this slip-up.’  
‘How disappointing.’  
‘No reason for you not to enjoy them.’ She added kindly. ‘Have some extra on my behalf.’  
She held out another piece to me and I gladly bit into it.

‘You’re doing it again.’ Francis hissed in an aside to Bash. ‘You’re watching them with that same distrustful expression.’  
Bash rolled his eyes.  
‘Francis, don’t misquote my words to fit your own opinion. I never said I don’t trust them. Matter of fact, I trust Charity implicitly.’  
‘What you’re suggesting calls into question the very basis of trust with them.’ Francis hissed.  
‘All I’ve said is that I believe there’s truth to what the rumours suggest. That there’s something between them.’  
Francis sighed in frustration.  
‘Look at them, Francis. Watch them! I can’t fathom how you don’t see it.’  
‘You’re taking too much stock by the rumours, Bash.’  
‘It’s not just the rumours. They confirm Charity’s feeling for Catherine-‘  
‘Which you already knew about.’ Francis glared at him.  
‘You know why I didn’t share that information. Besides, what I’m talking about goes beyond that.’  
‘Look, I’ve accepted that Charity has feelings for my mother.’ Francis relented.  
‘You’d have to be blind not to see that.’ Bash pointed out.  
‘But as for anything being returned?’  
‘Francis, trust me. Watch them, see how they are together, how they behave… even how Catherine looks upon her. I’d be willing to wager it: there’s something there, something deeper than just friendship.’  
Francis looked at Bash with suspicion.  
‘Has Charity said something to you? I know you’re close.’  
‘After Catherine, I’m probably the person she’s closest to, the one who knows her best. So she doesn’t have to. Francis, you know I’m protective of her, I watch over her. I see how they are when they believe no one's watching. There’s more than just friendship there.’  
’Would you still be so convinced of this if you didn’t know of Charity’s predilections?’  
Bash sighed.  
‘Francis, you’re a wise fellow. I’ve always known you to be open-minded and accepting of those around you. But you need to ignore that little bit of bias that remains inside you, wanting this not to be true simply because it concerns your mother. The way she relates to Charity, the way they look at each other? Let’s not pretend to hide behind the ignorance of the simple-minded. Those are two souls in love.’  
Francis watched them, taking note of what he was seeing. He knew Bash wasn’t wrong, it was something he'd suspected himself for some time. And Bash was right, he didn’t want it to be true.  
Not because he minded, but because if he acknowledged this truth he was seeing to be fact, then his mother was heading down a very dangerous path. Adultery with a man was one thing, he didn’t even want to think about what the consequences would be, were it to involve a woman.

‘I hate you missing out.’ I said as I bit into another sweet.  
‘Hmm. You’re doing quite well out of it, though.’ Catherine remarked. ‘How many is that you’ve eaten now? Four? I’ve lost count.’  
I laughed guiltily, but it was hard to resist them.  
‘The staff have really done wanders with the selection this year.’ she pointed out.  
I nodded my agreement, clearing my throat.  
‘I do so enjoy these events. With no official royal business to attend to, I can properly relax and enjoy the time with my loved ones.’ She smiled, but avoided meeting my gaze.  
I tried to return her smile, but something was wrong. It felt as though my throat was slowly tightening. I coughed again, trying to dislodge whatever morsel was causing the problem.  
‘Is everything alright?’ Catherine asked, frowning.  
I didn’t want to alarm her, but the tightening sensation was spreading and I was now struggling to catch my breath. Something was very wrong.  
‘I can’t breathe. *cough* Catherine… I can’t-‘  
I didn’t complete my sentence before my body was gripped in a vice-like pain. I pulled at my corset, a futile attempt as my hands had little strength in them.  
Then I collapsed.  
‘Guards!!’ Catherine screamed, leaping to cradle me in her arms.  
Darkness closed in, the sounds of her panic echoing around me.

Catherine paced outside the infirmary, seemingly for hours, waiting for news. Francis tried to placate her, Henry advised she retire to her chambers until there was news, but she wouldn’t hear any of it.  
When Nostradamus finally appeared, she practically pounced.  
‘Well?’ she demanded.  
‘Your Majesty, the news is not good.’  
‘Is she conscious?’ Nostradamus shook his head.  
‘She was in considerable pain, so I gave her a strong sedative.’  
He opened the door and they hurried through. Catherine stopped when she saw me on the bed. Even in the short time since I’d collapsed, my pallor had worsened. She collapsed by my bedside, taking my hands in hers and tried desperately to control her emotions.  
‘What caused this?’  
‘She’s in a bad way. I’m afraid it was definitely poison.’  
‘But how is that possible?’ She was horrified. ‘All our food is checked for poison.’  
‘Which suggests whoever did this must have added the poison AFTER everything was checked.’ Francis noted.  
‘But I don’t understand. Who would do this, to her of all people?’  
‘To her, I cannot think.’ Nostradamus agreed. ‘She’s very well liked, by all at court.’  
‘She’s always been friendly with everyone.’ Francis agreed.  
Catherine rose in horror as the realisation dawned on her.  
‘The poison would have been meant for me. She was just an innocent casualty.’  
‘Catherine-‘  
‘This is my fault!’  
‘We don’t know who’s to blame for this yet.’ Bash announced his arrival.  
‘Do you have any information?’ Catherine barked at him.  
‘Nothing yet. The samples from her plate are with the kitchen. You’re sure that’s all she ate?’  
Catherine nodded.  
‘Yes and the wine, but we both drank that.’  
‘Nostradamus, the samples will be brought to you once the kitchen have identified them’  
‘The sooner I have them, the better. I cannot treat her sufficiently without identifying the poison.’  
Catherine had returned to my side. Her eyes were filled with tears, not that she even noticed them. She couldn’t take this in. She was used to threats and attempts on her own life, she was even used to others being sacrificed as a result (she didn’t like it but as Queen it came with the territory), but the thought of the cost being someone so dear to her…  
‘Mother?’  
Francis tread carefully. My hand in hers, she kissed it with such tenderness. It was a true sign that her emotions were getting the better of her. He and Bash shared a look of concern.  
‘I don’t know who is responsible for this and I don’t know how I wronged them.’ Her voice was hard.  
‘But if she… if she doesn’t survive this, I will find them and I WILL make them pay.’

To be continued...


	5. ‘Such was her expertise with potions’

I awoke hours later, somewhat disorientated. I was glad to see Catherine, it gave me comfort which I tried to focus on rather than the pain. She had also been sleeping, her head resting against my body, my hand still nestled in hers.  
‘Catherine?’ I moved my fingers to rouse her.  
‘You’re awake!’ She rubbed the sleep from her eyes. ‘How’s the pain?’  
‘Milder than before. But not by much.’ I admitted, reluctantly. I looked at her, at the expression in her eyes.  
‘It was poison, wasn't it? I’ve been around enough casualties to know this isn’t a case of spoiled food. Besides, it doesn’t feel natural.’  
Catherine seemed to be drawing-up the courage to speak. This was bad. I tried to raise my position slightly.  
‘Catherine? What is it?’ Her eyes glistened. I could tell many tears had been shed during my drugged slumber.  
‘Tell me.’ I said, holding her hands tightly.  
‘I’m sorry.’ She wiped the tears from her face, shaking her head. ‘I’m so sorry, you were poisoned. This is my fault.’  
‘By whom?’  
‘We don’t know yet. Not what the poison was, nor who planted it.’  
‘Then how have you come to the conclusion that it’s your fault?’  
Catherine laughed with scorn.  
‘My dear, as much as we like to claim we’re peas in a pod, you do not have the enemies to incite this act of malice.’  
‘That we know of.’ I replied thoughtfully.  
‘But there were dozens of people at the picnic. Surely it’s impossible to guess who the poison was intended for? Certainly if we don’t know who planted it. It could have been added to our picnic in error.’  
‘Charity, if you’re trying to make me feel better, rest assured: it’s not working. Whoever that poison was intended for, it was consumed by you and Nostradamus isn’t even sure how to treat it.’  
Her words unsettled me.  
‘You said he hasn’t identified the poison yet?’  
Catherine looked upset by the lapse in judgement with her words. I sighed, reaching-up to caress her cheek. She was enduring her own suffering in this. I couldn’t bear her pain, any more than my own.  
‘My dear, sweet, kind Catherine.’ She smiled in spite of herself.  
‘You’re the only person in all of France who would use such words to describe me.’  
‘Maybe that’s because I’m the only person who knows the real you.’  
My eyes closed once more.  
‘Is the pain worse again?’ she asked, concerned. I said nothing but I couldn’t hide the pain from my face.  
‘I’ll fetch Nostradamus.’ She rose to her feet. ‘He must have something stronger.’  
I heard the door close as I surrendered to how deeply the pain took me. I didn’t want to worry her, but it was intensifying in severity. If a cure didn’t come soon, I would be praying for death.

Catherine met Nostradamus coming to find her. Bash and Francis were with him and none of them looked happy. She dreaded what was coming next.  
‘Nostradamus, she needs something for the pain. Something significantly strongly.’ Catherine told him. ‘She won’t admit it to me, but she’s getting worse.’  
She looked so worried, it pained Francis to see his mother like that.  
‘I’ll help her in a moment.’  
‘You have news?’ she asked hopefully.  
‘We have… further information.’ Bash supplied.  
‘Well, out with it!’ Catherine snapped.  
‘Mother, try to control yourself.’ Francis took her arm, speaking in a soft tone. He looked to Bash.  
‘The samples were checked with the Chef. There was a sweet among them which wasn’t recognised. Not by him, nor any of the kitchen staff.’  
He revealed a small parcel and unwrapped it: the almond sweet.  
‘These were not part of the foods prepared, not for any of the picnics.’ Bash confirmed.  
‘No, he knows not to use almonds. I thought it was odd they were included.’ Catherine remembered.  
‘The servants are being questioned.’ he continued. ‘Most didn’t recognise them, but more than the usual kitchen staff were working to cover the demands of the picnics. One servant recalled the mention of something going down a treat “even if the Queen didn’t personally get to enjoy them”. She thought it was an odd comment, but she can’t say who made it. She says she noticed the addition of the sweets after.’  
Catherine swallowed down the implication of these words.  
‘But, that means…’  
‘You were not the one the poison was intended for.’  
Their attention turned to the infirmary.  
‘This wasn’t an accident.’ Catherine said.  
‘Nor are you responsible.’ Francis reminded her.  
Bash handed the sample to Nostradamus, ready to begin his work.

From that moment Catherine was on a rampage, determined to find the culprit. As Queen, it had been natural to assume the poison was intended for her. This had consumed her with a deep anger, but also extreme guilt for the poison reaching my lips instead of hers.  
Knowing the truth, however, that the poison had very much so been intended for my lips? That someone in her court had actively planted it for me? That fuelled her anger to an enraged fury and was the straw that finally tore her away from my bedside, on her mission to seek out the culprit and seek her revenge.  
Ignoring their protestations, she joined Francis and Bash with their interrogations of the servants (or rather, she joined their investigations, turning them into interrogations). The servant girl bore the brunt of it, Catherine’s temper directed solely at her, furious at her for not bringing the sudden appearance of the sweets.  
‘I’m sorry, Your Grace!’ the poor girl was terrified. ‘I didn’t think to question it. I was only there to pack the food.’  
Her words made no difference. Catherine ordered her to be locked in the dungeon, furious as she was. Bash reassured the girl she would be released in due course, but would likely be dismissed thereafter.  
Meanwhile, Francis focused on trying to control his mothers emotional outbursts.  
‘We’ll find him, whoever he is. It’s taking time but we WILL find him. He’s clearly within the castle, he has inside knowledge. Enough to know how to sneak poison in without detection. Let alone to know the perfect way to target Charity and skip you.’  
‘Unless that was just a coincidence and whoever it was would have been equally happy to poison us both.’ Catherine said thoughtfully.  
‘Please don’t think that way. We’ll get to the bottom of this. You have my word.’ he promised, kissing her cheek.

She headed back to the infirmary, suspicions now forming in her mind. She arrived to find Nostradamus leaving over my ailing body, despairing. His desk contained the messy remnants of his investigative work on the desk, but no antidote to speak of in sight.  
‘What is all this?’  
‘I’m so sorry, Catherine. She’s getting worse and I still have no solution.’  
A pained moan escaped my lips. Knowing I was still drifting between levels of consciousness and hallucinations, he didn’t want to risk my hearing this. He summoned a servant to watch over me while they took to a private space.  
‘Nostradamus, just tell me.’ Catherine sat down, burying her head in her hands.  
‘The poison. I’ve never come across it myself, but I’ve heard of its nature. It’s vicious, but slow acting.’  
‘How slow?’  
‘Her pain levels will continue to increase significantly as the poison destroys her internal organs. Her body will eventually shut down, but she could suffer for days first.’  
Catherine was horrified.  
‘Days?? She’s going to continue to suffer this crippling, AGONISING pain for DAYS until it kills her?!’  
‘Unless the fever succeeds in killing her sooner.’ He surmised sadly.  
‘No.’ Catherine was pacing. ‘But… what of a cure? What can be done?’  
Nostradamus hesitated.  
‘Nostradamus, what aren’t you telling me?’ she pressed, her temper rising.  
He braced himself. She would not take this well.  
‘This poison… Catherine, there is no known cure.’  
She turned to him in disbelief.  
‘Then MAKE ONE!’  
They took a moment as the tension settled between the two. Until this moment, Catherine had not fully appreciated I might actually not survive this. Such was her expertise with potions that she hadn’t anticipated for finding a solution.  
But as the poison sank its teeth ever deeper into me, she felt herself losing all hope. Finally, the pains were so severe, Nostradamus had no choice but to give me the strongest sedative he could mix. Unable to rouse me, Catherine could only watch as echoes of a hidden pain remained etched on my face. I lay there, unresponsive, both our hearts breaking in kind.

To be continued...


	6. 'Revenge was not always sweet'

By now rumours had spread through the castle, much like the poison had spread through my veins. Everyone knew of my condition and the severity it had reached, not least with the warpath it had set the Queen on. All the staff were on edge, for fear of who she might lash out at next.  
Henry, Francis and Bash were discussing the situation when Catherine happened upon them.  
‘Catherine. How is Lady Charity’s condition?’ Henry greeted her.  
‘She’s dying.’ Catherine snapped. ‘She’s getting weaker by the hour, as the poison spreads and strengthens inside her and will continue to do so until it completes the job and destroys her entirely.’  
An awkward silence followed, as Henry slightly regretted asking.  
‘So no improvement then.’ he noted.  
‘Not unless either of you have any new information for me.’ she directed her attention to Bash.  
‘The information we have so far is… unreliable. At best. Bash conceded.  
‘Politically dangerous at worst.’ Henry added. This was clearly what they had been discussing when she’d interrupted.  
‘Catherine, my investigations have led me to believe a noble here at court was behind the poison. I don’t have enough evidence yet-‘  
‘You have NO evidence!’ Henry barked. ‘Suspicions, feelings… these are NOT evidence.’  
‘A noble? At court?’ Catherine interrupted. ‘MY court?’  
‘I’ll thank you to remember, my dear, that it is OUR court.’ Henry responded icily. She glared at him.  
‘Who?’  
They remained silent, all of them. Doubtless they were all considering the same suspect, but…  
‘We have no concrete proof.’ Francis reminded her gently. ‘Only suspicions.’

Catherine spent hours pondering over her potions. Between her and Nostradamus, there had to be a solution, something they could fashion. Regular potions clearly would not do the trick here. There was no other way, she would have to resort to the dark arts. Heresy or not, what choice did she have?  
Nostradamus was, understandably, less keen to go down this route.  
‘I have less experience with the dark arts. Things are far more likely to go wrong.’  
‘Then she’ll be dead either way, so what difference does it make?’ Catherine snapped.  
Nostradamus relented. Catherine was not an easy person to reason with, nor was it wise to defy her, but she didn’t often fight like this for others, making it difficult to refuse her.  
They discussed their best option, as extreme and dangerous as it was. He stressed the importance of understanding the consequences before she began. He would assemble the ingredients, giving her time to make her decision before committing to it.  
She wandered about the castle, taking stock of what she was considering. The potion used extreme dark magic to swap one life for another. The life traded was chosen at random, unless they could acquire a personal effect, in which case its owner was the life for a life. It was dangerous and heretical and even aside all that, there was no guarantee it would work. The dark arts were risky and there could be other consequences if things went wrong.  
The risk weighed so heavily on her heart, she had to be sure.

She was deep in thought and almost missed a hidden conversation. Until she caught Henry’s voice.  
‘You can’t just throw these accusations around,’ So livid, he practically spat the words ‘Without sufficient evidence-‘  
‘We can’t protect him from this, Father!’ Bash argued. ‘Even without anything tangible, if Catherine gets word of this, there’ll be no protecting him from her wrath!’  
‘Believe me, Father,’ Francis tried to reason with him. ‘We wouldn’t bring this to you if I didn’t believe him to be serious.’  
‘Lady Charity! Of all the people, did it have to be her?’ Henry was fuming.  
Catherine’s instinct was to barge in and demand an explanation, but she forced herself to hold back.  
‘You’re implying he not only intended to poison Lady Charity, but the Queen as well.’  
Her hand flew to her mouth in stunned silence.  
‘I’m not implying it. He all but admitted to it.’ Bash insisted.  
‘What exactly were his words?’ Henry’s voice was stern.  
‘He knew of Charity’s fondness for the sweets, making her an easy target.’ Bash explained. ‘And the kitchen was overstaffed, so sneaking them in while they prepared the baskets was overlooked.’  
Henry scoffed but Francis persisted.  
‘Adding them to Mother’s basket didn’t even prove a challenge after that. The fact that she wasn’t going to eat them was her only saving grace.’  
‘So Catherine escaped by pure chance?’ Henry seemed to be accepting this version of events.  
‘Otherwise he would have accepted her death as collateral damage.’ Bash concluded.  
‘Obviously he assumed they would both take the poison, but that failed because so few people know of Mother’s disdain for almonds.’ Francis added.  
‘Is Catherine still in danger?’ Henry asked. Her eyes widened in anticipation.  
‘I don’t believe so.’ Bash replied.  
‘Evidently he’s decided killing her would be less effective a punishment than watching the woman she… watching Charity’s life slip away.’ He finished off their looks.  
‘And all this,’ Henry mused ‘as retribution for a broken engagement.’  
‘There’s more to it than that.’ Francis muttered grimly. ‘Something we all know to be true.’  
Bash gave his brother a small look of approval.  
‘But yes.’  
Catherine quickly (and quietly) walked away from the room. There was no time to waste. She knew what needed to be done.  
‘Make sure you keep this quiet from Catherine.’ Henry advised. ‘Unless you find actual proof. Something we can actually use.’  
‘Of course.’ Francis agreed. ‘If she suspects, there’ll be no stopping her.’  
‘Where is he now?’  
‘Locked-up under guard in his chambers.’  
Francis clearly wasn’t happy this measure was sufficient.  
‘It’s the best we can do for now.’ Bash reminded him. ‘But we’re working on it.’

Catherine felt the rage return deep within. Her suspicions were now confirmed and she had no choice. Revenge was not always sweet, but sometimes it was necessary.  
She found Nostradamus, who’d prepared everything they would need. He didn’t need to ask, he could see from her expression that it was time to proceed with the potion.  
‘Catherine?’ he began, doubtful at how to phrase it.  
She looked up, glaring at him.  
‘Are you sure - really sure - this is worth the risk? It is a very dark magic.’  
She didn’t dignify him with an answer. She didn’t need to, he could read the emotion written on her face. It betrayed her silence, as he’d known it would.  
What was happening to her? She’d never felt an inexpressible urge like this before. She wasn’t sure what was going on inside her, she just knew she was running out of time. If she even wanted the option of figuring it out, now was the time to act.

She clasped the small vial in her hand.  
‘Your Majesty, please, I must ask if you’re sure-‘  
‘It’s the only way.’  
‘It’s our best chance. Remember even with this magic, there’s never any guarantees.'  
‘If there’s even the slightest chance, I have to try.’ she declared.  
‘I won’t lose her. Not without a damned good fight!’

The potion worked and quickly. I slept through the night, awaking as though I’d never been ill. Somewhat disconcerting, but it was more miracle than I could have hoped for.  
I was glad to be allowed to return to my chambers, even if the rumours did continue to follow me. Lord Valentine had been found dead in his chambers and no one seemed to know why. Even the court physician could only surmise that his heart had simply stopped. It was unusual, he said, but in his words “such things do happen”.  
The news unsettled me and I felt an instinct deep within me that I should question it, but I brushed it aside for the moment. The truth was I found it hard to care. One could question both the timing and his suspected involvement with my poisoning, not to mention my relationship with Catherine… but I simply didn’t care. For the first time, I really didn’t.  
I should have. If/when those rumours reached Henry, I would probably be questioned, but I wouldn’t betray Catherine. Despite my own suspicions, I would never expose her to that danger, even if it cost me my head. I did see the irony in this, after having only just narrowly escaped my death. But my allegiance was to her and her alone.  
I did worry for Catherine, though, about what repercussions she might face. It was near impossible not to. I nearly died. I was very nearly ripped away from her. I knew what that had done to me and I’d seen what it had done to her too. We couldn’t keep living this way. Something needed to change, needed to be done.  
I’d had sufficient time to think about all this and things had never been clearer to me. I had been near death and suffered from hallucinations, so the worth of my memory was cloudy at best, but there were moments we’d shared. If any of those were real, now was the time to make decisions. To act. If I was wrong, so be it, but if I didn’t take a chance now, I might not get the opportunity again. You don’t face death without finding new appreciation for all life has to offer.

When she finally came to see me, she took me in her arms and gave me the longest hug.  
‘How are you recovering?’  
‘Good as new. Remarkable, in fact, given the circumstances.’ Her smile warmed my heart.  
‘I would have come sooner, but I had a pressing issue to deal with.’  
‘Lord Valentine? I heard.’ I pulled away from her.  
‘A sad loss.’  
‘Sad but not entirely unexpected. That potion-‘  
‘Every potion comes with risk. You know that as well as I do.’  
‘I do. But if the potion pitted my life against Roberts, how can I reconcile myself with the value of my life being placed above his?’  
‘Because you didn’t. I made that choice, I decided your value! Robert was a good man but let’s not pretend he was innocent in all this. I wasn’t about to let him escape retribution for his actions, not after what he did to you. He won’t be missed, but you…’  
Her hand flew to her mouth as her voice broke. I reached out to her, but she stopped me.  
‘Catherine?’  
‘I told you, I couldn’t risk losing you.’ her voice barely a whisper, as she tried to control the emotion.  
I moved towards her, expecting her to back away. But she didn’t. All these walls she built around her were finally cracking, coming down to expose her vulnerability. It was such a rare and precious thing to behold. The last time I’d been witness to it, masked behind the act a desperate woman had taken, prompted when she felt something special to her slipping away. Desperation and bravery, but also conflict because of the heart she wore on her sleeve in my presence. She struggled with it, even if I was the only one who saw it.  
I saw it at last, my chance to make something happen. It was my own act of desperation and bravery and, yes, quite possibly insanity. But I took it. I reached out for her, I took her cheek in my palm, wiping the tears away.  
She was right. Some risks you have to be prepared to take.  
I leaned in and kissed her. It was a simple kiss, small, but it was sure. It was real. As I pulled away to let the moment sink-in, I knew I would never regret it. Whatever happened next, I didn’t regret it.  
I was glad for that moment of surety, because the expression on her face - a mix of shock and terror - almost made me reconsider it completely. But then I read her eyes, there was so much more going on behind that fear. It’s like she was finally allowing herself to open up to the possibility this moment gave. To find out if whatever this thing was between us, was really there.  
She responded more easily than I expected her to. She pulled me back in and oh, the feeling of having her kiss me back was more powerful than anything I’d expected. Anything I could have hoped for. It was an odd sensation. I was torn between my rational side thinking “The Queen. I am kissing the Queen” and the emotional side of just enjoying knowing I was kissing Catherine. One cost me my head, the other my heart. I was doomed either way.  
But I wasn’t stopping and, more importantly, neither was she. It was an incredible feeling, knowing I didn’t have to hold back. Something unleashed inside me that I didn’t know how long I’d been suppressing. Having escaped the brink of death, kissing her was like coming-up for air.  
I couldn’t get enough of her, I couldn’t stop. My hands were in her hair, my lips exploring her skin down her neck. It was truly intoxicating. Insanity was kicking-in again and I wanted more. I went for her dress, pulling the strings loose.  
That was the step that brought her back to reality. She pulled away, her hand coming-up to stop me.  
‘Wait, stop!’ she was breathless, but her tone was firm.  
‘What is it? Are you okay?’  
‘I can’t.’  
She looked dazed, disorientated. Like she could believe what had just happened. What she’d let happen.  
‘Catherine…’  
She shook her head at me.  
‘Charity, I can’t, I’m sorry.’  
I took a step back, gathered myself. She was still trembling but I feared even moving again. I offered to re-lace her strings, but she left before I had the chance.

To be continued...


	7. "We all deserve some happiness"

Francis had tried to ignore it, but after speaking with Nostradamus, he decided something needed to be said. It was time he confronted Catherine. He found her reading in her chambers.  
‘I’m glad to hear Charity’s recovering well.’  
‘Yes, Nostradamus says she made a complete turnaround. Almost miraculous.’  
He left a pointed pause.  
‘I confess I expected to find you spending time with her. I was surprised when Nostradamus mentioned you hadn’t been to see her since her recovery.’  
Catherine stopped her reading.  
‘Mother, what’s going on?’ Francis asked gently, joining her on the chaise. ‘You two have always been thick as thieves and you fought so hard for her while she was dying. Yet now that she’s recovered, you’re nowhere to be found. You’re hidden away.’ Catherine placed her book on the table.  
‘What are you hiding from, Mother?’  
She rose to her feet in irritation.  
‘Don’t be ridiculous, Francis. I don’t hide from anything.’  
‘You never have before.’ Francis agreed. ‘But you are now. Something’s changed.’  
Part of him couldn’t believe he was instigating this conversation, but he wasn’t turning back now. Whether she cared to admit it or not, he believed she needed this.  
‘I’ve been watching you and Charity for months now. It took me a while to accept what I was seeing, even with Bash in my ear whispering the same suspicions.’  
Catherine whirled around in anger.  
‘You’ve been discussing my private affairs? With Sebastian of all people?!’  
‘Is that what is it then? An affair?’  
‘No, of course not. We’re just… we…’ Catherine faltered with her words.  
‘Mother, the way you fought for Charity when she was fighting the poison… I’ve never seen you react so fiercely for anyone who wasn’t your flesh and blood. Who wasn’t in your heart. I tried telling myself you care for her deeply as your closest friend, but it’s more than that. Isn’t it?’  
Catherine, silent again, turned away from Francis. She daren’t even look at him. He sighed in response.  
‘I know of Charity’s feelings for you. That’s long since been known, by pretty much everyone at court. But you’ve grown to return her affections. You love her, don’t you?’  
Catherine didn’t answer.  
‘I’m not here to judge. I’m on your side, you have to know that. You will always have my support and my protection, should you need it. I just want you to be happy. But I can’t help you unless you’re honest with me.’  
She took a moment, but finally she spoke.  
‘Except to do that, I’d have to be honest with myself first, wouldn’t I?’  
‘You’d probably feel better if you were.’ Francis suggested.  
‘I never expected this to happen, you know. I never thought these feelings… ‘ she licked her lips, searching for the right words.  
‘I knew how she felt about me, even before that ridiculous debacle with Lord Valentine. But I chose to ignore it. It seemed easier than the alternative. We’d already grown close as friends and I wasn’t keen to risk losing that.’  
‘So what changed?’ he asked.  
‘The night the engagement fell apart. Amidst the rumours, I went to comfort her - nothing improper,’ she reassured Francis. ’Just as her friend - and I saw the pain on her face, everything she was carrying in her heart. Suffering and not from the loss of a fiance she had just been abandoned by, but from the protection their marriage would have brought her. Protection from those damaging rumours and the lie she was constantly having to live.  
So I held her. And even as I knew what losing his promise of marriage could cost her, I couldn’t ignore my feeling of relief that she wouldn’t belong to someone else. That I’d not lost her. I couldn’t bear to give her up, to think of her… giving herself to him. Of course, once I’d acknowledged that, it's like I’d given it permission to grow. I told myself to push the feelings down, to ignore them, but it was too late by then. My feelings continued to grow and I let her in.’  
She sighed, almost apologetic.  
‘There were moments when we - when I - could have allowed something to happen. Each time I would pretend not to notice, having to swallow down the pain it inflicted on her and I hated myself for it. I tried to convince myself the regret I felt was simply from not returning her feelings. I told myself time and again because what other choice did I have? I’m the Queen, adultery is an act of treason!’  
‘Until the poisoning.’ Francis concluded, seeing the despair in his mothers eyes. ‘Until you realised you might actually lose her.’  
‘There’s nothing quite like having your heart ripped-out to be forced to acknowledge what’s actually inside it.’  
Taking a breath, she turned to her son.  
‘I think… I think I love her, Francis. And that thought terrifies me.’  
Francis took his mother in his arms. He couldn’t begin to understand this, but he hated seeing her this way.  
‘It’s alright, Mother. It will be alright.’ he soothed.  
‘The important thing is, we can figure out how to manage this before anything happens.’  
‘As it happens, I have actually seen Charity since her recovery.” Catherine admitted.  
Francis pulled away while she looked down, slightly shame-faced.  
‘Oh, good lord. Something’s already happened, hasn’t it?’ She opened her mouth to reply.  
‘I DON'T need the details, Mother.’ He cringed.  
‘Oh, for heaven's sake, Francis!’ Catherine scoffed. ‘It was just a kiss. Nothing more.’  
‘You kissed?’  
‘Well she… never mind. We did and it was wonderful.’ She was smiling, but her face fell. ‘But it can’t happen again.’  
‘Is that why you’re hiding from her? Guilt?  
‘I’ve all but admitted I return her feelings. How am I supposed to tell her there can’t be anything between us? I don’t want to hurt her, not after everything she’s endured.’  
There were many things Francis hated about their family life as royalty, but watching his father have a constant public stream of mistresses while his mother suffered on the sidelines was one of the more unpleasant ones. She deserved her own right to happiness, whether she believed it or not. She deserved far better than his father had ever given her.  
‘Mother, believe me as I do not say this lightly. We both know Father will never change his ways, and I know you love him in your duty as his wife dictates you must, but I have never seen you affected by him the way you have been by Charity. The way you are with her.’  
Francis took a moment, knowing the importance of what his next words would carry.  
‘I am not the King and I don’t have that power, but I am the Dauphin and I believe that carries some weight. If you love her, if she loves you… don’t waste it. If it’s what you both want, be together.’  
‘Francis-‘ he raised a hand, silencing her.  
‘I meant what I said. I will support you and protect you. We all deserve some happiness in our lives. Even royals.’  
She looked at him with such tenderness, as his words sunk-in. His support didn’t change anything, not really, but she loved him for saying so. She hugged and kissed her beautiful son. She had done many things wrong in her life, but he surely wasn’t one of them.  
‘Just… be discreet. Whatever you decide. I know it’s not fair, but just to make things easier.’

Despite this, Catherine continued to keep her distance. Not that I blamed her. Our encounter kept running through my mind and I wasn’t foolish enough to think she wouldn’t be unsettled by it. I hoped I hadn’t gone too far, but her reluctance to face me (let alone acknowledge it) concerned me.  
Not only my dear friend, she was my Queen and that had to come above all else. Like it or not, I had to follow her lead, if she only gave me the option to do so. We share and conspire together, scheme and defend and take all the blows that come with it - the loyalty I provide is a security for some, a calling for others and it requires a dedication that comes from the soul. I had surely proven myself to her in all that. Because everything about me belongs to Catherine: not just my loyalty but my heart and soul. Without her, my life would have no meaning to it and I had to make her see that. Or I would if we were to ever spend any time alone together.  
Now that we’d actually crossed that line, she was going to be more conflicted than ever and I knew she needed time to figure out how to move forward. I realised if I pushed her, I risked losing her, so I had to accept when nothing was spoken. When all she could give me without exposing herself were stolen looks, whatever message they might carry.  
I know, how much can you really tell from a look? But I could, I’d known Catherine far too long not to be able to read her. I knew her better than anyone and those looks were intended to speak to me. To tell me she wasn’t pretending nothing happened, that things hadn’t changed between us. She just couldn’t show me affection, not while she processed her own feelings, but it made me long for the times we’d had any small connection, when I’d been able to entwine her hands in mine, our fingers linked together. A small connection, admittedly, but significant to me.

To be continued...


	8. “Stop telling yourself you deserve less”

_**Disclaimer: Apparently I need to add this might be 'Rated M'** _

I’ll never know exactly how Francis did it, but I know it was his doing that Catherine ever acknowledged her feelings and agreed to discuss what had taken place between us.

It took some time, mind, but finally I received a message that she wanted to speak with me that night. I admit I was more than a little apprehensive when I arrived at her chambers.

‘I apologise, I know I’ve been avoiding you of late.’ she greeted me.

‘Catherine, there’s really no need for you to apologise.’

‘No, there is.’

She gestured for us to sit. We’d had many conversations sitting together on her chaise like this, but I’d never been more nervous than for this one.

‘I needed time to think about recent events. I know our distance since has caused you pain and you must trust that that is the last thing I wanted, but there has been so much for me to consider.’

‘I understand that, Catherine. Truly, I do. I know that you care about me, that our friendship is important to you, but my actions… they were never intended to cause you distress. If anything, they were meant to give clarity, not conflict.’

‘Charity, I appreciate your words, but the truth is the conflict came from me, not you. Which serves to show your actions were not entirely unwelcome.’ 

She found it hard to meet my eyes at this revelation, I presume she carried a sense of shame for admitting this. Still, I breathed a sigh of relief.

‘I’m just glad to know you don’t hate me for it.’

‘Oh, my dear,’ she looked at me. ‘Don’t you know I could never hate you?’ 

‘I do.’ I reached for her hand. ‘I know how much you suffered when I was poisoned and how hard you fought for me as a result. That could never have come from a place of hatred.’

She smiled as she squeezed my hand, before her face fell as she reminded herself what she had summoned me to say.

‘But,’ she continued, releasing her hand from mine and rising to her feet. ‘That doesn’t change the fact that nothing can happen between us. What we feel, to let it control us? I’m sorry, Charity, we just can’t.’

I was disappointed, though I knew I had no right to be. I tried not to let it show. I stood-up, ready to slip back into the appropriate mind-frame for my duties.

‘I understand, Your Grace. If that’s what you want, I’ll respect your wishes.’

‘Oh Charity, please don’t use my title like that.’ Catherine, turning to me, now looked as disappointed as I felt. 

‘None of this is what I want. As Queen, the choices I make rarely bear any resemblance to what I want. They have little to do with my own happiness. It’s why so many Kings and Queens struggle to live harmoniously, so few of them actually bear any true fondness for each other. Even those who do in their early years normally have it beaten out of them, not only because of the pressure of the job, but because no King in history has gone without taking a mistress. As a wife that hardens and destroys the soul, yet as Queen we’re expected to grit our teeth and bear it.’

She paced as she spoke, coming to a stop by the window. It seemed to add a physical separation to our conversation, as though she spoke to me through it, rather than from within the same stone walls.

‘By the time you strip all that away, you’re left with a hard shell, almost devoid of all emotion. You don’t dare risk any cracks, because your enemies can spot it a mile away and they _will_ tear you to shreds.

Whether by birthright or marriage, royals are afforded all the privilege that comes with the crown, so what right do we have to want for anything more?’

She finally allowed herself to turn her gaze back to me. 

‘But happiness is not something that can survive all that. Surely you understand that by now?’

‘I do understand that.’ I told her honestly. 

‘I understand that life as a Queen is about politics and about keeping peace with the King _and_ the nobles and that it’s a constant struggle. Especially with a King such as Henry who seems to care so little for you and doesn’t even try to hide it.’

I said all this, taking careful steps closer and closer towards her, determined to break down this wall she was trying to build between us.

‘What I don’t understand is why you insist that means you must condemn yourself to a life without happiness? You tell yourself it’s what you deserve, but it’s not. There is so much good in this world, it’s right there, yours for the taking. If not from Henry then from someone - some _where_ \- else!’

The way she looked at me, I felt shame for my words. I knew the contrition showed on my face.

‘I’m not saying this for myself, Catherine. If you choose to ignore my feelings now, or even dismiss me from my position here, I’ll accept your decision. But please,’ I took her hand in mine, ‘Please, break yourself away from this delusion Henry has you trapped in. Stop telling yourself you deserve less, because nothing could be further from the truth.’

I realised now that as much as I cared for her and believed in her, I wanted her to believe in herself even more.

‘You really mean all of that, don’t you?’

‘I just want you to find happiness in your life. Regardless of whether you allow me to be the one to bring it to you.’

She released her hand from my grip, reaching up to stroke my hair.

‘You do, you know. You’ve brought so much happiness to my life, though I know I’ve ignored what’s been between us for so long.’

‘Catherine, I told you, I-‘

‘No!’ She silenced me.

‘No more excuses, no more keeping this part of myself buried.’ She moved closer to me.

‘I want to be with you, Charity. I’m done pretending otherwise.’

And with that, she took me in her arms and kissed me deeply. I knew this time was different. This was the kind of kiss you melt into because once you start, there’s no going back.

Though it was hard for me to completely ignore the voice telling me how wrong this was, how bad an idea. When I had kissed Catherine, it was only my head on the line. If I didn’t stop this, we’d both be risking everything.

If I didn’t stop this…

I pulled away.

‘Catherine, are you absolutely sure about this? Because I don’t want you to-‘ She pressed her fingers to my lips.

‘I’m sure. Trust me when I say I want this.’

All my hesitations melted away as we came together in an embrace. Our kisses intensified and I knew that she was finally holding nothing back. I coaxed her lips apart with my tongue, plunging it into the warmth of her mouth. I’d never kissed anyone with this level of passion before, I’d never had such a feeling behind it and part of me became slightly unhinged at how she responded with equal pasion.

Guiding her backwards towards the bed, I took a deep thrill from the battle as our tongues massaged against each other. I forced myself to keep the pace slow, carried away as we were becoming in our passion, I didn’t want either of us losing ourselves too quickly in the insanity of it all. Having finally reached this moment, I wanted us both to fully appreciate being together.

We removed our dresses and I held her against me, kissing her naked shoulders... her neck.... cheeks... Her smooth skin was intoxicating, driving the need in me to explore every part of it.

‘Turn around.’ I whispered, twisting her as I removed the strings from her corset, letting it fall to the floor.

She moved to turn back but I gripped my arm around her waist, holding her in place.

‘Charity.’ she breathed.

‘Don’t.’ I nuzzled into her neck. ’Not yet.’

My hand lay on her belly, stroking it as I teased her neck with light kisses. I let my hand glide up away from her belly, until they reached her bare breasts, stroking them softly just for a moment.

I moved to pull her undergarments down, freeing her completely. Tossing them aside, I looked up to see her removing the clasps from her hair, her plait now falling freely, messily down her back. I placed my hands on her hips and rose slowly, kissing a trail of kisses from the base of her spine up her back. Light, tender kisses all the way, each one inciting a shiver from her, a fraction more intense than the last. 

As I reached the curve of her neck, my lips took solace, my tongue exploring. I used one hand to move her plait around her shoulder, letting it follow down to her breast which I cupped gently in my palm, fondling. Meanwhile my other hand moved to reclaim her belly, before starting its own journey downwards. I reached my destination, sliding my hand between her legs as Catherine whimpered in response, reaching her hand up around my neck and turning her face to me. Our lips met, our kisses becoming more urgent as my hand continued to work on her, down below. She trembled in my arms - her walls completely down, not fighting a moment of this pleasure and I wanted to give her so much more of it.

I withdrew my hand, pulling her back to face me whilst we continued with our kisses. She reached behind me for my corset strings, pulling them free as I angled my arms, giving her access to remove it. 

She ran her fingertips along my body as she did so, sending a ripple reaction through my nerves, before pulling me back into the embrace. I was so aware of her naked breasts pressed firmly against my body, it was so easy to get lost in the moment, especially as she fell into and explored me with her lips.

‘Oh god… Catherine.’ 

The words escaped my lips as I moaned, my breath heavy with pleasure. The touch of her lips against my skin was almost too much to bear, setting each and every one of my nerves alight. I wanted to lose myself, to drown in this moment, but I wanted to send her to heaven first.

I pushed her back gently, until she lay on the bed. Then I climbed upon it and lowered myself down over her, my leg nestling between hers to continue her stimulation. Her arousal was already evident and I couldn’t wait to explore it further. I held her face and kissed her deeply as her arms embraced me. I couldn’t get enough of her: lips, neck, breasts, hands, belly…. every part of her mine for the taking. 

I continued my kisses, following a trail down to her breasts. I took each one in turn, revelling in their soft fullness, gliding my tongue over her nipples, before continuing the trail down… down… I wanted to know every inch of her intimately. I needed her to feel arousal upon every part of her body.

My tongue paused as it reached her legs. I snaked my hands around her thighs, gently parting them as I continued to explore, alternating lips and tongue. Up and down her inner thighs, getting closer to her heat then pulling back. Teasing her, arousing her until she was breathlessly aching for more. 

‘Charity. Please. I-I need…’ 

The arousal was building inside her. I wondered if she had ever had a lover spend so much time focusing on her pleasure alone. I could hear it rising in her throat, even as she tried to stifle herself. I knew we had to be careful, but I didn’t want her to hold back. I ran my tongue over her nub, along her fleshy folds to her opening… then returned to her nub. There I stopped, teasing with kisses before reverting back to my tongue. I gripped her thighs tightly, drew her close and pressed my mouth firmly onto her. 

Succumbing to her taste, I lost myself in the moment as I allowed my tongue and lips to follow their natural instincts. Meanwhile Catherine had given way to her increasing arousal, both with her whimpers growing to moans and her hips as she moved against my mouth, matching my rhythm. I allowed myself to be guided by her reactions, spurring me on.

The orgasm was building strength inside her, as her breaths came hard and fast, her moans deepening with intensity. She tried to find her voice, but her pleasure was too intense to allow her much of anything beyond the sounds she was already producing. I would have liked to hear her scream my name in pleasure, of course, but I could feel how close she was and it was already just as stimulating for me as it was for her.

Her body was convulsing as the orgasm built-up pressure inside her. I could tell she was right on the cusp and I increased the intensity of my movements. Glancing-up, I saw her face react as her body spasmed: her orgasm reached its peak and her moans of pleasure reverberated around us. I couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride at the response I’d elicited from her.

I had one last taste of her before climbing back up, kissing my way along her body as I did so. She took me in her arms as I lay with her, kissing me intently. Between kisses, I asked.

‘Are you okay?’

She nodded her response, still trying to catch her breath.

‘Uh-huh.’

I smiled as I nuzzled into her neck, kissing her softly.

‘That was.... Wonderful.’ 

Her hands were in my hair as our frenzied kisses continued. She stopped suddenly, pulling back.

‘I don’t… I’m not…’ she was nervous.

‘Shh. Catherine, it’s alright.’ I reassured her. ‘There’s no rush. You don’t have to do anything you aren’t ready for. I won’t push you.’

‘No, I do want to. I’m just…’ 

I smiled. She was determined, just a little lost.

‘Just let yourself be guided by whatever feels natural. Don’t force it.’

I kissed her, hoping it would work to distract her. If they did the trick, she would be able to follow her natural instincts more easily. 

Her inhibitions loosened soon enough as she rolled me onto my back, giving her the freedom to explore my body. For someone new to this experience, she had greater instincts than she gave herself credit for. She slid one hand between my legs, exploring. Normally I would bite my lip, giving my inner pleasures more time to build before revealing their intensity, but I wanted her to be encouraged with all her instincts.

As it was, the feel of her hot breath against my skin… her lips and tongue teasing my neck… much as it had started earlier, they set-off a ripple effect of small explosions within me. The combination of this and her fingers as worked on me down below was so powerful. As my own whimpers built-up, I couldn’t stop them escaping my lips. 

I couldn’t resist, I slipped my hand back between hers, matching her rhythm and speed and was quickly able to slip my fingers inside her. The groan that produced from her was intoxicating, as was her surprise from not expecting it. The next moment she copied my actions and the momentum of her fingers moving inside me, eliciting my own powerful groan of pleasure.

We moved together, succumbing as our pleasures grew and reached their peak of intensity, bringing us quivering to a mutual orgasm.

...


	9. “You opened your heart to me”

We lay together peacefully afterwards, enjoying being in each other's arms.

‘How did you know?’ she asked me.

‘What do you mean?’

‘Was there some defining moment when you realised? Or did you always just know?’

‘With you, do you mean? Or just in general?’

Catherine blushed.

‘In general. Although now you’ve piqued my curiosity.’

‘Well, I guess I always knew.’

She seemed surprised.

‘As a child there was a family who visited us every Spring. I believe they were negotiating a marriage contract between their daughter and my brother. We used to play the chasing game, the one where the object is to catch and win a kiss - on the cheek, of course, all very innocent. She chased my brother, I chased hers. The problem was, I usually wanted to catch her as well. In fact, most of the time I’d have preferred it. I remember that very clearly, even as a child.

We continued with the game for a few years and I was equally happy catching her brother - he wasn’t a bad kisser, actually.’ I laughed as Catherine rolled her eyes. ‘But I could never quite ignore the desire I had for wanting to kiss her as well.

Of course, once I was made to understand that wasn’t normal nor was it at all acceptable, I very quickly learnt not to share those thoughts with others. And I didn’t, not for a long time. But I hated having to keep that part of myself hidden away. A secret, something to be ashamed of. It never felt right to me. It’s why I left my home and my family and took myself as far away as I could the first chance I had.’

Catherine looked so sad for me.

‘I hate that they made you feel that way. Leaving your family must have been painful.’

‘In some ways, yes, it was. But it would have caused me more pain to stay there, living a lie. It’s not like my heart couldn’t have found happiness with a good husband, but somehow I knew my soul wouldn’t find what it needed there.

Besides, then I think about how it was the start of a journey that brought me to you. So I can’t think of it with any regret.’

I smiled pensively at her, kissed her on the shoulder.

‘With you, on the other hand, the defining moment was definitely the night Robert ended things with me. He opened my eyes to the feelings I’d long since tried to ignore. Yes, you weren’t the only one guilty of that!’ I added off her look. ‘And of course, I knew I had feelings for you before then! But that night… 

I hadn’t been looking for it, you know. Friendship, yes, but nothing more. Nothing that might risk my status here. It was why I’d been able to resist my feelings for so long.

When I met you, I met the Queen, but I befriended the woman behind the crown. And that friendship grew because you opened your heart to me, you let me in. I knew how special that was because I saw the walls you kept-up with everyone else. You barely even seemed to like your other Ladies. I don’t know how I penetrated it, but I did and I saw you. Not your crown, not your money. Just you.

I’d never believed in anything like that before. Not love or my being capable of finding it, let alone having it. And for the first time, I felt a longing for something. Something I still wasn’t sure I even deserved. I never knew, never understood what love was before, not truly. But with you I discovered it with my mind, body and soul. I embraced it because it filled my heart in such an unexpected way, and of course one I’d allowed it in, I was done. You made me feel whole, you made me feel…. alive! The way you spun everything about me in knots, you lit-up the world for me.

Falling for you is something I would never have planned on, but a wise friend once told me we can’t control where our hearts lead us… I spent too long having to ignore that journey. This time my heart simply didn’t give me the choice.

I don’t know, maybe what we feel isn’t eternal. I suspect my love for you will be the death of me, if it must. But I do know I don’t want to live without having felt its warmth.’

I saw worry in her eyes. My words about our love being the death of me had been meant in jest, but we both knew the reality of our situation.

She took my face in her palm and kissed me. It was a long kiss and I melted into it. She nibbled on my lip before pulling away. I grinned, loving how much she was getting into this.

‘I love you. Whatever happens, remember that.’


	10. “It’s down to you and your charms”

We were so caught-up in ourselves, I momentarily forgot to be suspicious when I was summoned by the King. I will admit I was nervous, my guard was down and I almost forgot to be focused and prepared in case of the worst.

‘Lady Charity, welcome!’ Henry greeted me. ‘I’m glad to see you’ve recovered. Back to fighting form, I trust?’

‘I am, Your Grace. Thank-you.’ I curtsied. ‘How can I be of service?’

‘Quite right, let’s get down to business, shall we?’ There was an edge to the smile he showed me, but I returned it in kind.

‘I require your talents in distracting a visitor this evening. A General.’

‘How so?’

‘He’ll be attending tonight's feast with several men I have a proposition for. I’ll need you to lure him away and keep him occupied while I meet with them. I’m familiar with your reputation as a seductress in my wife’s schemes. I have no doubt you’ll be able to charm him.’

I froze. Just momentarily, but I did.

‘You… you want me to bed him?’

‘Not necessarily. But you’re an attractive girl, I’m sure you can find ways to amuse him. Don’t worry, he’s a handsome man, it won’t be a hardship.’ He grinned, smug.

‘Your Grace,’ I started carefully. ‘I haven’t- I mean... I stopped using those methods some time ago. The Queen and I agreed-‘

‘My wife’s not the one requesting this, I am. Your King!’ He barked at me. ‘Unless there’s some  _ other _ reason you’re unable to perform this task?’

I had no alternative but to play his game, especially if he suspected something. I raised my chin, intent on matching his defiance.

‘Not at all. Have him introduced to me and I’ll do what you ask.’

‘Good woman. I have no doubt you’ll do a fine job.’

‘He asked you to do  _ what _ ?’ Catherine was stunned.

‘Believe me, I’m far less happy about it than you could ever be.’

I was pacing the room, unable to settle.

‘He’s never asked me to do anything like this before. He’s never requested me for anything at all! I couldn’t refuse, he’s clearly testing me, seeing how far I’ll go in order to protect us.’

‘He can’t know. He wouldn’t have.’ Catherine muttered to herself. My pacing stopped abruptly.

‘Wouldn’t have what? Catherine, has something happened?’

She glanced at me, debating with her thoughts.

‘It’s nothing to worry about, I’m sure.’ she assured me at my look. ‘But Francis knows about us.’

‘You told him?’ Taken aback by this revelation, I wasn’t sure whether to be touched or concerned.

‘He confronted me after your recovery. Evidently, he’d suspected my feelings for some time. Though not without some encouragement from Sebastian, I might add.’

She looked to me for my reaction, but I said nothing. Bash had always known of my feelings for Catherine, but we rarely spoke of it. Neither of them was the other’s greatest fan and, while he’d kept my confidence from the start, more often than not he attempted redirecting my heart elsewhere. He did eventually encourage me to address my affections, but if this was because he suspected Catherine returned them and had come around to the idea, it was news to me.

Ignoring my silence, she continued.

‘I guess he’d decided it was time for me to admit my feelings, to accept them myself. He was also kind enough to assure me of his support and protection, should we ever need it.’ 

‘I’m glad you felt able to speak with Francis about this, but if Henry knows, it wasn’t from him. Even if Francis had let it slip, he would have warned you. Of that, we can be sure.’ I smiled at her, rubbing her cheek with my thumb. ‘However, if Francis suspected your feelings, there’s every chance Henry did too. Which would explain why he’s doing this. He  _ is _ testing us. Both of us.’

She took my hand and kissed it. I sighed at the comfort such a small action gave me.

‘Catherine, you know I’m going to do everything in my power not to let anything happen. But I don’t know what Henry told the General, what he’ll be expecting. I cannot risk word getting back to him that his promise wasn’t fulfilled. My duty is to you, I will do whatever is necessary to protect you.’

The feast was stressful but I wasn’t about to give Henry the satisfaction of letting it show. Bash, bless him, did his best to keep me distracted while I waited for my introduction. We danced, much as he disliked the activity, for which I was grateful as it was something I normally thrilled at doing. 

Francis interrupted us to update me.

‘The General and his men have arrived. Father will greet him shortly and then introduce you. After that, it’s down to you and your charms.’

I nodded in acknowledgement, appreciative of the support Bash provided by my side.

‘It will be over before you know it.’ Francis assured me. ‘I’ll keep Mother distracted. with any luck, she’ll hardly have a moment to notice.‘

‘Oh, she’ll notice.’ I told him. ‘Very much so. She hates this more than I do and she’s been watching me all night. It’s paining her, but she won’t stop.’

I was wringing my hands. Despite being confident I wouldn’t have to resort to actually sleeping with the General, my nerves remained on edge.

Catherine was nowhere to be found when I returned to the feast after, which unsettled me more than anything else that had happened that night. 

Francis explained she’d excused herself early and hadn’t been seen since. He’d tried speaking with her during my absence, but her guards had informed him she wasn’t to be disturbed. Not by anyone.

I hated it and felt awful, but her guards didn’t relent, they couldn’t. I resigned myself to a sleepless night, knowing she most likely believed I had betrayed her that night.


End file.
